Remember back when Christmas commercials were actually pretty creative? Neither do I, but that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes when I reflect on Christmases past, I’m joined by old television spots like the following that leave me feeling fuzzy inside. It’s pathetic, I know. Still, isn’t it funny how the most insignificant things stir up some great emotions in you during the holidays?
I’m planning to scour youtube to find more Christmas commercials to put up here. It will be a great — and pathetic, don’t forget pathetic — way for me to spend my Christmas break from school. (oh, and by the way… ALL A’s BABY!)
You all may or may not remember a post that I put up in August of 2005 titled, “A Graphic Novel?”. Well, when last winter came around and I had not heard from my collaborator, Jeff Fitzgerald, on the whole thing, I just gave up on the idea all together. Now, however, it seems as though the whole project will likely take off after all… though with a different story all together.
I won’t say anything about the story, but I will let you know that we intend to start working on the whole thing almost RELIGIOUSLY after Columbus Day, and hope to have the entire project completed by Spring. From there we’ll see where things go. It helps that Jeff knows Kevin Eastman, creator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… perhaps he’ll put in a good word for us, though based on what we have come up with thus far I doubt we’ll need it. Hehehe.
Enough for now. I have to get back to work at the Oarweed. Look for more updates on this project and The Dominance Flush screenplay over the next couple of weeks.
What the hell am I doing here? Was I placed on this earth to be a talented, under-appreciated writer, or am I here to be a under-appreciated human being who is going nowhere with his life?
The last few days have been hell for me… no, hell is an understatement, and I have no better-fitting word to place in its spot. It’s been so much worse than I can even drescribe. I feel like I am accomplishing nothing at my main place of work (Dirigo), and at the same time I am going above and beyond what I should be accomplishing at my “temporary” place of work (Oarweed). Incidentally, the Oarweed is only open for another month and a half. FUCK!
…and then there are the family issues. While I am having no problems with Dina and the kids, I am still surrounded by the rest of my family who all live on the same street as I do. Mother, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins… none of whom really seem to like me anymore (with the exception of my Grandparents… I think), and all of whom see me as a hopeless dreamer who will never go anywhere. Who could blame them? I only got fucked hard on a publishing deal that I may as well have made up in my head those four years ago.
Am I being paranoid? Let’s see how many of them actually visit this site and read what I write here. I’ll not hold my breath while waiting for comments from any of them. I am a ghost who is easily ignored and only remembered after death for the bad things I did. There is no forgiveness, and I still have no idea exactly what I did to deserve all of this. There is no unconditional love, and certainly no special attention, even when there is nothing that can prove that I don’t deserve it. I could go into details, but I’m not about to turn this site into my own place to vent my jealousy… I’m already pushing it with this post, but it feels good so I don’t care.
…enough said. Comment if you CARE! I’ll email a link to this post to everyone after exactly one month… that’s a generous amount of time. Let’s see who stumbles upon it before I have a chance to click “send.”
…I hope that you all have enjoyed this as much as I have…
My one true love is writing, but second to that comes music. Though I am unable to play any instrument other than the jug, I listen to music religiously. Owning over 200 compact discs I am never without music playing when alone or entertaining friends. Alternative is my favorite music genre. Unfortunately I am still awaiting the “return of rock.” Right now the music scene is dominated by fairy boy-bands like the Backstreet Boys and N’sync… I want to vomit. My favorite bands of all time are “The Dandy Warhols,” “Marilyn Manson,” “Letters to Cleo,” and “Dido.” These are four very different bands, yet they all help me in my life.
My ambitions are as follows:
*TO BECOME A PUBLISHED NOVELIST
*TO GRADUATE COLLEGE
The only two fears that I can think of that I have are:
*ARACHNOPHOBIA (FEAR OF SPIDERS)
*BUSOPHOBIA (FEAR OF LETTING OTHERS DRIVE YOUR CAR)
Though I have not necessarily discussed much with you in this letter, Earl, I feel that the topics that I did discuss were very important and the most worthy of your attention in ten years. See you then.
Sincerely,
Earl Yorke
Age 19
YHS Senior
Well… that’s it. Comment if you wish. I have let you all into my soul on this one… the letter was meant only for me to read.
Mwa ha ha ha… will it ever end? Not in this entry, but definately… maybe in the next one! I think that this next part is my favorite one off all. It addresses my writing back then! I’m not going to blab on about it for too long as I am excited to get it up on here, but know that I am very happy that this portion is finally making it onto the site.
Jeff, I hope that you can appreciate this as well. Back to the letter:
I am sad to say that I have very few strengths right now in my life, Earl. My ability to express my thoughts in fictional works of literature is probably the most important of the few that I do have. Ezeth, my most favorite character in any of my manuscripts is the most significant example of this ability. He is my dark side, he is my evil, he is my anger, and he is the side of me that others seldom see. It is through Ezeth that I am able to show myself that I can be in touch with my own dark side and that I can co-exist with it in some variety of equilibrium. Ezeth is my strength, he is the writer within me; without that all I would have would be my bitterly honest personality which, like my books, tends to upset people quite frequently… but you and I both know that I love it!
While I have few strengths, Earl, my weaknesses are numerous. The most significant of all of these weaknesses is the intensity of my emotions, which can sometimes have bad effects on my mental stability. I seem to always feel bad right now, and this is not a very good thing. It is a feeling that I get in my chest that is so intensely uncomfortable that it feels like someone is driving a railroad spike into my heart. I get this feeling of anxiety when something unexpected (and almost usually undesirable) happens. I’d have to say that my other weakness is my addiction to cigarettes, but I don’t need to go into detail with that to convince you of how bad it is.
My one true love is writing…
There isn’t too much left, but I’ll save it for another night. As always I thank those of you who have joined me in my jouney… it is your support that keeps me going, and I could never have gotten this far without you. You know who you are… you are anyone who is reading this now. By the way, if you happen to be new here, and don’t know who Ezeth is… go ahead and click on his name above if you are open-minded. Welcome to my family.
Okay, not to toot my own horn here, but this letter that my mother found is the coolest thing I’ve ever read! It’s like a look into the life of a best friend that I had parted ways with long ago… I’m going to drag this post series on for atleast two more entries! Sorry if you’re excited to see the way it closes right away, but I seriously doubt that there are many people that are reading this anyway! Here we go (*open mind*):
My attitude toward religion, Earl, is the most dramatic of all. I teach a Catechism class at Saint Christopher’s Catholic church, I have read the bible cover-to-cover twice, my grandmother is very religious, and yet I have trouble believing in God. I would like to recall a dream that I had not too long before I wrote this letter. It was a dream in which I had to choose whether to save myself from some sinister threat, or to save my family first. You may remember this dream; I am at my grandparents’ front door, desperately ushering my family out into the safety of the woods next-door beacse there are explosives placed all around the house by some kind of evil entity. I did in-fact choose to help them all get out first before myself, and as I am waiting for the last one to get out I realize that I may die there. It is at this point that I realize that this good deed will get me into heaven (or atleast that’s what I tell myself, I know it not to be true in the real world), and this is the first time that I have even toyed with the notion that such a place even exists. I then speak to God, begging forgiveness for all of the wrongs that I have commited against Him, and I hear His voice say “no prob.” I woke up the next morning before actually finishing the dream, but I somehow feel that I have been cleansed somehow. Could this be an act of God, planted in my mind? Who knows, all that you need to know is that I would like to believe in His presence, but I am either too intelligent or too ignorant to do this. As far as organized religion goes, that can go to hell.
I guess I was a bit angry then… my views have changed quite a bit, but those details are something I choose not to share right now. Look for more this week. For those who are actually reading this (to touch upon what I said as I opened this post) I am grateful to have you with me as I climb this mountain, my dreams waiting at the top.
Here is the second part of my letter to myself… there is still one part left, and I will leave that sad part for another time. Here is the second portion:
…Drug use is a tender subject with me, Earl. By the time that this letter reaches you, I hope that you have quit smoking and drinking, but I have my doubts. I hate drugs at this time, and not just the really bad ones that I have never tried, but the cigarettes and the alcohol as well. Now let’s pretend that Scott C. helped me, or anybody in my sixth grade class during D.A.R.E education… because he didn’t. I rather got more of an understanding of the cancer sticks and happy juice that I now succumb to consuming, and that didn’t scare me in the least. I hate all drugs, but at the same time I love them… this may sound indecisive, but it is the case with me as a senior in high school. When it comes to drugs, I don’t know what to think… if you consume them, and yet you say you hate them, can you not be called a hypocrite?
Beauty… beauty… what is the meaning of the word? The dictionary defines it as “very pleasing or delightful to look at.” This is not very helpful because in this case beauty can be a word placed on anything. A cat or a dog can be beautiful to somebody. So, going on this, I would have to say that at this time I love beauty because it is whatever I want it to be. My poster of John Belucci on the wall of my room is beautiful, the music that I listen to is also beautiful, and the computer that I sit at right now, typing this letter, is also beautiful. My stance with beauty is that it is a good thing, and is necessary to have in a life that you are content with.
My attitude toward religion, Earl, is the most dramatic of all…
Bear with me, all! This is something my mother found just tonight in her sewing bag… something I wrote to my future self in High School! Though she told me not to share it… here’s the first half (try to keep an open mind, I was a young wierdo):
Earl,
Well, you should be receiving this letter some time in 2011, ten years after you graduate in order to remind you of what your beliefs were as a senior in high school. Your attitudes toward sex, the law, drug use, beauty, fads, and the big one: religion will be recalled in this letter… this is your philosophy. Also noted within this letter will be your strengths, loves, ambitions, fears, and views of people in general. Have fun… this may be scary.
We’ll start with sex. I have always thought up until this time in my life that it was just an act of pleasure… mostly self-centered. Yet, as I came upon my senior year I realized something: sex is two-sided, and not just an act of pleasure. Through my experiences with Leona I have come upon one truth, and that is that sex is something that two people who are in love share. It is something that they alone do, and is almost the only thing that they do not share with the outside world. This is what makes it special, not just for me, but for the person whom I love and choose to share it with as well.
Law. I hate this right now. It is all of the Pigs in the town of York and the town of Ogunquit that ruin my life by pulling me over for what they playfully call a “routine check” of my vehicle… this is really called “searching the highly accessorized Mustang for drugs.” I am the kind of person who likes the whole “Gangster Rule” notion, which basically follows the line of “whomever is the meanest and most terrifying is the leader.” I am not really too sure why, but this is my belief. Rules, to me, are meant to be broken (though this is not the case in certain circumstances like in-school behavior and work ethic for the most part).
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