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Prepare for the funny… I shows it 2 yous
November 10th, 2008 under Current Events. [ Comments: 1 ]

Make sure you aren’t drinking anything when you watch this… it will spew from your nose. Here is yet another video supporting a truth that none of us can disprove: The Onion is where you find the best funninessticationism.

Wow… two posts in one day… WITHIN TEN MINUTES OF EACH OTHER… check me out! Lots of good stuff on the web today… two whole things!


That is why I didn’t buy your damned service plan!
November 10th, 2008 under Current Events. [ Comments: 1 ]

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Proud cardholders, you may want to pay off and close this account

Taken from cnn.com:

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NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) — Circuit City Stores Inc., the No. 2 electronics seller after Best Buy, filed for bankruptcy protection Monday, hoping the move will allow it to stock its shelves in time for the crucial holiday shopping season.

The move comes about a week after Circuit City said it would close 155 stores as it deals with a worsening economic downturn that has left more consumers with less money to shop. The company intends to keep its remaining stores open through the bankruptcy procedings.

Circuit City (CC, Fortune 500) said it decided to file for bankruptcy at this time to ensure that it would have “adequate merchandise flow to stores during the important holiday season.”

The retailer said consumers should continue to shop at its stores.

“Chapter 11 is not a closing or liquidation,” the company said in an e-mail to CNNMoney.com. “We remain committed to doing a better job of taking care of our guests, and making it easier to shop at Circuit City.”

For anyone that’s on the hunt for a sweet deal on a flatscreen TV, Circuit City spokesman Jim Babb said it’s “safe to assume” that consumers can expect deep discounts on TVs and other products in those Circuit City stores that are being liquidated.

In the rest of its stores, Babb said the company’s prices will remain competitive with the market over the coming weeks.

Circuit City said it is seeking approval from the bankruptcy court to honor customer programs such as returns, exchanges and gift cards. “Approval of such programs normally is granted,” the company said in the e-mail.

The electronics seller said it will still accept credit cards, including Circuit City-branded credit cards, which the company said are not impacted by its bankruptcy.

Circuit City also said it will continue to honor its warranty plans, including its Circuit City Advantage Protection Plans.

Despite these measures, one industry watcher remained unconvinced that Circuit City could still attract shoppers from here on and especially through the holiday season.

“Consumers will be skeptical about buying a $1,000 or $2,000 flatscreen TV with a warranty at Circuit City,” said Craig Johnson, retail analyst and president of Customer Growth Partners. “In their mind, there’s no guarantee that the company will still be around in the future.”

“Regarding gift cards, if you are buying a $50 gift card for Christmas, where would your comfort level be higher? At a Circuit City or a Best Buy (BBY, Fortune 500)?” Johnson said.

The company’s bankruptcy filing was also made at a crucial time of the year for merchants who are preparing for the year-end holiday shopping season.

The November-December period can account for 50% or more of retailers’ annual profits and sales. But this year, many Americans have clamped down on their shopping habits amid a weak economy and a shaky job and credit market.

Industry analysts warn that retailers will have to do whatever they can this year if they hope to have at least decent holiday sales

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Well, it’s finally happening… Circuit City, my former employer and #2 electronics store in the U-S-of-A is going under. I’m sorry, bankruptcy protection is just a fancy way of saying “we want to make as much money as we can before we are forced to close out doors for good.” Serves them right really… they canned so many of my buddies who had been there over 5 years so that they could bring in new trainees who would work for less. Assholes. Despite the state of the economy, I’ve seen this coming for Circuit City for some time. I’m glad I got out when I did because it is my understanding that they have gotten progressively worse in how they treat their employees since 2005.

My very obvious point: leaving Circuit City = good idea (those are the only ones I ever have). Burn in Hell you Jerks! (not my first word choice, but I’m trying to watch the language. Wait… did I write a$%hole up there somewhere?)


PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!!!!!
November 4th, 2008 under Current Events. [ Comments: 4 ]

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YES! WE’VE DONE IT! BARACK OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT-ELECT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could fill this entire post with exclamation points, people!

PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to share my enthusiasm here, at the moment when CNN projected it, so that I can look back at this post and remember how exciting this moment is.

Expect another post tomorrow on this subject that includes PRESIDENT OBAMA’s victory speech tonight.

THIS IS THE END OF EIGHT YEARS OF FAILURE, AND THE BEGINNING OF EIGHT YEARS OF PROSPERITY! Yes, I believe he will last two terms… bring it on, you Republican nay-sayers! The American people have spoken, and in one voice we have all cried out for the change that Barack Obama will bring to our broken government. God bless America… we’re finally back on track again.

DINA… TINA… WE DID IT!

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[UPDATE] 11.5.2008
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As promised, Obama’s victory speech. God, I’m getting teary again…


Who’s the Socialist now, beee-aach?!
October 28th, 2008 under Current Events. [ Comments: none ]

Sarah Palin — like the good little parrot that she is — has been purporting John McCain’s accusations that Barack is a Socialist-in-the-making ever since the last presidential debate. With her wardrobe costs, and the following breaking news that I present to you with the commentary of the great Keith Olbermann, she is proving that she is a complete hypocrite. We need to curb needless spending… riiiiiiight, consider that before you go on New York spending sprees with your children (all flown there on Alaska’s dime). Barack Obama wants to spread the wealth like a Socialist… well, before you start pointing the finger, consider your own agendas as the Governor of Alaska prior to your rise to whatever it is the GOP considers you to be at the moment.

One last thing: Fuck Joe the Plumber. Yeah, I said it… not necessarily because of the way McCain has exploited him to serve his own warped purpose (though you can imagine how I feel about that), but rather because of the way he has made himself out to be an informed voter who genuinely cares about which candidate is sworn into office in January. What does he really care about? Talk to the lawyers that are negotiating a “Joe the Plumber” book deal as we speak. What, if anything, could that offer in the form of an intelligent read? Joe, you are a media whore.

Enjoy the video.


I totally called it… in yo’ face, Sarah Palin!
September 29th, 2008 under Current Events. [ Comments: none ]

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Yeah, fake picture, but is it funny? Hell yes.

(CNN) — As some prominent conservatives begin to raise the question of whether Sarah Palin should remain on the Republican presidential ticket – and others call for her to be given more public exposure in a bid to reverse falling poll numbers – the McCain campaign is bringing the Alaska governor to John McCain’s Sedona ranch for several days of intense debate prep.

Senior campaign advisor Steve Schmidt and other top officials met Palin in Philadelphia Sunday night, and are traveling with her and McCain to a Columbus, Ohio event Monday morning. The group then heads to Arizona.

The original plan was for Palin to prepare in St. Louis, where the vice presidential debate will be held Thursday. Instead, she has already been preparing in a Philadelphia hotel for four days with advisors. She will now get ready for the debate at McCain’s rustic creek-side home — what a top aide calls “debate camp.”

The aide, who’s part of the team prepping Palin, tells CNN they decided to take her to debate camp there because it is an “invigorating and enjoyable place to prepare for Thursday.”

“SP [Sarah Palin] loves it, and has her kids and Todd coming,” wrote the aide in an e-mail, and that “John McCain himself came up with the idea.”

Late last week, in the wake of a widely-panned interview with Katie Couric of CBS News, some prominent conservatives who had supported Palin’s vice presidential bid, including National Review columnist Kathleen Parker, suggested she step down before the election.

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I knew it, and I want you all to know that I fully called it first. Almost immediately after her acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention I said that this woman would need a crash-course in the art of presidential politics… I completely kick ass. Sarah Palin is going to retarded politicians school. It’s like the resource room in elementary school… the slower kids are pulled out of the main class to practice coloring inside the lines and work on correcting those backwards letters that seem to confuse the hell out of them. Palin is the political equivalent to those slow children. We all saw the Katie Couric interview, and we all know that the general consensus is that Palin is going to be brutally smacked around by Joe Biden on Thursday, so what is McCain’s only means to keep his campaign from becoming a huge joke? Attempt to educate the dumbass before she tarnishes the McCain/Palin ticket on live television.

It won’t make any difference. McCain is the Titanic and Palin is the iceberg. Thanks for helping the democrats out by picking the worst possible running-mate, John!

One more thing, and this is for Sarah: Putin’s jet flying over the state that you govern does not count as foreign policy experience… you complete moron.

[UPDATE] Yeah… I have a video for you too. This couldn’t be any better if I had directed it myself. It that a vein popping out in Johnny’s head at 1:23?


You win this one, Tina Fey…
September 16th, 2008 under Current Events. [ Comments: 1 ]

For reasons I really don’t know, I’ve never really liked Tina Fey. Maybe it’s because she comes across quite smug… perhaps it’s because she has a hideous scar running down her face… or maybe it’s because when she left Saturday Night Live to do that bullshit 30 Rock show she took the only shred of talent left on that show with her. Yeah, I think it’s the last one.

I don’t really hate Tina Fey, but when she left SNL it took me back to when Will Farrell (someone I legitimately hate at this point) left. Things just weren’t the same again. So when I heard rumors that Tina Fey would be coming back to SNL do impersonate Sarah Palin on a regular basis I almost fell backwards out of my chair. The following video is from last weeks’ SNL, and as you will see, Tina Fey is brilliant as Senator McCain’s running mate.


Everyone is dying! WTF?!??!!!1
August 12th, 2008 under Current Events. [ Comments: 2 ]

Bernie Mac (1957-2008)

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Died Saturday from — wait for it — pneumonia. How the hell does a millionaire die from pneumonia? At first I was a bit perplexed, but then I read that he suffered from some disease that severely affects his immune system. Tough break, man (respectfully).

Isaac Hayes (1942-2008)

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He was found passed out near his treadmill. He died an hour later at Baptist East Hospital in Memphis.

Okay… let’s now add to this the long list of celebrity deaths this year:

Heath Ledger
Tim Russert
Charlton Heston
Bill O’Reilly (Okay, wishful thinking)
Sydney Pollack
Harvey Korman
George Carlin

…and those are only a few. What is going on here? I understand that death is a normal and inevitable part of one’s life, and that celebrities, though ridiculously wealthy, also must kick the bucket… but why are so many of them dying this year? I can’t recall ever seeing so many famous names pop up online with that dismal (19##-2008) following them. Do the celebrities know something that we don’t know? Are they cashing in their chips to go meet up with good ‘ole L. Ron Hubbard for a reason? Oh my God, is something really devastating about to happen to us all? Whoa, hold on a sec… are the terrorists going to attack again?! Is that what it is?! THAT’S WHAT IT IS ISN’T IT! HOLY CRAP… HOW DID THEY KNOW?!

*off to the bathroom with straight-edge in hand


Proof that George Carlin is burning in hell… and by “proof” I mean “some crazy guy’s opinion”
June 29th, 2008 under Current Events. [ Comments: none ]

Christians. Why the hell can’t they just leave everyone to worship — or not worship — in their own way. Why do they have to do things like protest at Heath Ledger’s funeral because he portrayed a homosexual in a movie? Why do they feel obligated to stand outside of public places handing out leaflets that tell us why we will be going to hell if we don’t take Jesus into our hearts? Why can’t they just mind their own business and focus on THEIR OWN relationship with God?

I’m trying not to get really angry here. Religion and I have had our issues for quite some time. It all stems from that time when Religion and I were downing shots of Tequila and chasing them with Bourbon. I don’t know how it happend, but somehow we got on the topic of my mother, and Religion started making up all these rude things about her. I won’t go into details but I will say that we haven’t spoken since. DAMN YOU, RELIGION! I AM NOT ADOPTED! MY MOTHER IS A SAINT!

I’m done kidding. Here is the real reason for this post: a video of some Christian asshole whose name I will not bother to commit to memory. He goes on this whole rant about how George Carlin is burning in Hell, and how he is begging for God’s mercy… so on and so forth. It’s psychotic.

Rest In Peace, George. We will miss you.


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