What the hell am I doing here? Was I placed on this earth to be a talented, under-appreciated writer, or am I here to be a under-appreciated human being who is going nowhere with his life?
The last few days have been hell for me… no, hell is an understatement, and I have no better-fitting word to place in its spot. It’s been so much worse than I can even drescribe. I feel like I am accomplishing nothing at my main place of work (Dirigo), and at the same time I am going above and beyond what I should be accomplishing at my “temporary” place of work (Oarweed). Incidentally, the Oarweed is only open for another month and a half. FUCK!
…and then there are the family issues. While I am having no problems with Dina and the kids, I am still surrounded by the rest of my family who all live on the same street as I do. Mother, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins… none of whom really seem to like me anymore (with the exception of my Grandparents… I think), and all of whom see me as a hopeless dreamer who will never go anywhere. Who could blame them? I only got fucked hard on a publishing deal that I may as well have made up in my head those four years ago.
Am I being paranoid? Let’s see how many of them actually visit this site and read what I write here. I’ll not hold my breath while waiting for comments from any of them. I am a ghost who is easily ignored and only remembered after death for the bad things I did. There is no forgiveness, and I still have no idea exactly what I did to deserve all of this. There is no unconditional love, and certainly no special attention, even when there is nothing that can prove that I don’t deserve it. I could go into details, but I’m not about to turn this site into my own place to vent my jealousy… I’m already pushing it with this post, but it feels good so I don’t care.
…enough said. Comment if you CARE! I’ll email a link to this post to everyone after exactly one month… that’s a generous amount of time. Let’s see who stumbles upon it before I have a chance to click “send.”
Categories 
August 23rd, 2006 
766 Comment from Tina 
8:37 pm 
It least that’s what I would like to think! LOL!
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Earl,
With hardships comes strength and wisdom. I too question “why me”, with so many parts of my life. Unfortunately sometimes you have to let the shit go so that you can clearly see all the blessings around you! Most of all don’t question your talent. You know you are good. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Pursue your dream now matter what. Write because it fulfills you and don’t worry about being published. I think many times we get focused on the wrong thing. Sit back and focus on what you enjoy and what fulfills you and hopefully in the end success will be a biproduct of that positive energy.